The Scarring of Sirius Black
by WishingWell414
Summary: Starting from fourth year to James and Lily's wedding, Sirius Black is there to see it all. And when I say all I mean everything. Rated T for language and sexual content. Oneshot


**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine it is all J.K. Rowling's**

**1973 Fourth Year, Hogwarts**

"Lily looks gorgeous today, doesn't she?" James sighed.

Sirius nodded knowing if he disagreed, he would be shoved into a broom closet with Peter, which was not be fun, and trust him he spoke from experience.

Personally Sirius thought James should quit drooling over the redhead who tried to kill the Marauders daily (with the exception of Remus because he was an angel in everyone's eyes even though he came up with half of their pranks) and move on to some one prettier, smarter, and doesn't try to rip his balls out every time she sees him.

"Oh here she comes, how do I look-"

"Not as good as me."

"Do I smell good-"

"You smell like Peter's socks."

"How's my hair-"

"Terribly mes-"

"Merlin's long silver smelly beard! Stop interrupting me! And could you say something nice for once if- oh here she comes!"

"Oh Joy, the devil's reincarnation is here to kill innocent little children." Sirius muttered under his breath.

"Hello Lily! You look especially beautiful today!" James yelled across the Great Hall catching the attention of many students who stopped doing whatever it is that they're doing to watch James get cursed until he had a toilet for a head.

"Leave me alone Potter, I'm not in the mood" the she demon muttered to James and shooting a dirty look to Sirius.

"Hmm, never thought a girl would say that to me." James said being the idiot that he was. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the explosion to happen. And right on cue a hex was muttered followed by a rather high pitch scream.

"My face, my beautiful face! What did you do to it?" James yelled and despite himself Sirius slowly opened one eye and the result was so horrible he almost screamed, but of course he didn't because that would be unmanly and Sirius Black was a manly man. From the neck down James was still the same scrawny git that he always was but his face was so horrible, so disgusting, and so ugly that Sirius had to turn away.

It was the face of Peter Pettigrew.

There were numerous screams around the Great Hall as they caught sight of the hideous face on the normally handsome boy, but obviously not as handsome as Sirius Black himself.

"Change me back, change me back please!" James screamed on the top of his lungs while trying to cover the hideous face on his face.

"Promise to leave me alone." Lily stated calmly staring right into James eyes. Or was it Peter's?

"Yes, Yes! Change me back!"

Lily rolled her eyes and muttered the cure to the terrible, terrible hex.

"Thank You Lily flower, now back to what I was going to do before I was so rudely interrupted. Would the wonderful Lily Evans have the pleasure of allowing the handsome and wonderful James Potter take her on a date?"

"James Potter I'm going to rip your head off and stick it up your arse!" Lily screamed her face turning a shade of red that Sirius thought was impossible.

"Gotta Go! Sirius get the Charms notes for me!" James yelled before turning to run for his life as an angry red faced Lily Evans chased after him.

Remus Lupin local werewolf and Marauder decided to walk in right then and got knocked over by James.

"What the Merlin's bloody red underwear happened here?" he muttered taking Sirius's hand to pull himself up.

"Long Story but it scarred me for life, I'll tell you that much."

**March, 1978**

Sirius Black was awake in the middle of the night and trust him he was not happy. He held his wand up tightening his grip on it ready to burst into a room full if death eaters or as he liked to call them Moldy warts bitches. He had been woken up in the middle of the night by loud screams and banging in one of the rooms in his flat. Normally he wouldn't have cared and he would have dealt with them in the morning but this room was special. It was the room where his precious Barbara stayed. What if they hurt her? All kinds of questions ran through his head as he waited outside the room trying to figure out what they could possibly want in his house.

A loud moan brought him back to the real world. What the heck?

Another moan made his eyes widen. Holy Merlin! Death Eaters were getting it on in his house! His poor Barbara she must be scarred for life.

And with that Sirius burst into the room.

"Stop whatever you're doing, put that thing back into your pants, and surrender!" Sirius yelled. There wasn't a response just more moaning. And for the first time Sirius allowed himself to look around and he almost fainted. It was as he had predicted somebody was getting it on in his flat! Only they weren't Death Eater and they were doing _it_ on his precious Barbara.

"Prongs! Lily! What the heck are you doing! And why on my poor Barbara." Sirius was ignored and Prongs and Lily went on trying to get into each other's pants.

"Hey the happy couple who's currently having sex on my Barbara, if your going to do it can you at least do it in your own place?" Again Sirius Black was ignored and Sirius Black did not like to be ignored.

"Prongs, I've been having sex with Lily and groping her whenever your back's turned."

"What?" Prongs said suddenly stopping and turning to face Sirius.

"Great now that I've got your attention. What the heck are you to doing?"

"What does it look like we're doing, we're having sex." Lily said as if she were talking to a two year-old.

"Nice bra, it's hot." Sirius said smirking

Lily started to blush as she tried to cover up.

Prongs growled playfully. "I don't care if you are my best mate, I will rip your eyes out if you keep staring at my women!"

"Oh, trust me I wish my eyes were ripped out." Sirius muttered "Now since you aren't getting dressed! Let's talk-"

"Go ahead."

"As I was saying. Why, why, why! Of all the places you could have gone you went to my flat. And why Barbara! Why, why, why, why, why! And you Lily Evans! You're suppose to be the responsible one! How dare you let that scrawny git, that I call my best mate do those things on my Barbara! Why! And for gods sake put your clothes back on! I think you just deflowered my eyes! Which I didn't even know was possible. And what the hell is up with the handcuffs! If you wanted to do this you could have, and I can not stress this any more clearly, do it at your own place-"

"Are you done?" Prongs muttered rolling his eyes

"No I'm not you deflowered my Barbara and my eyes! I want revenge!"

"Oh get over yourself Black, first of all_ Barbara_ is a motorcycle. Second of all because she is a MOTORCYCLE we cannot deflower her, which if we could you probably already did it for us. Last the only reason we're here is that James proposed!" Lily finished with a huge grin!

"And how did Prongs proposing ended up with you two having sex on my_ motorcycle_?"

"Well my fiancé and I were going to come over to tell you and ask you if you want to be the best man…but then Lily looked at me and you know how I like it when she looks at me and we got distracted …"Prongs said with a huge grin on his face

"Fine I'll be your best man but on one condition you let me plan the Bachelor party and get the hell off of my Barbara, I need to clean her, and make sure to take your handcuffs with you!"

"Good idea Padfoot, we might need it later to make those little Potters."

And that was the second scarring of Sirius Black by James Potter and Lily Evans.

**June, 1978**

Sirius Black was not happy.

No he was not. And the reason was simple. Two words. Lily Evans soon to be Potter.

For the past 3 months he's been listening to her go on about the stupid wedding. And from what he had heard the wedding better be perfect other wise he was going to cry. He as the best man had a very important job, to embarrass the groom and bride until they threatened to beat him with flowers.

So hear he was Sirius Black wearing a monkey suit listening to random people he had never met talk about how successful their lives were. Suddenly that really depressing wedding music played making Sirius wince. Here it goes.

Remus Lupin sat across from Sirius Black also known as Padfoot, not daring to say a word. He had a job, a very important job, one that not many people knew about. His job was to keep Padfoot from scarring all the guest for life and embarrassing Prongs and Lily to a point where they would never be able to show their faces on this world again. Although the job was just a small role, he took it very seriously and was flattered that Lily trusted him enough to give him this very important job. Wedding music started to play. Here it goes.

James Potter couldn't breath right now, he was sweating like pig, and a list of questions played in his head. What if she didn't come? What if she regretted her decision? What if she ran off with Snivill-Snape? Worst what if she ran off with that flower that she's been looking at a lot lately! He could not lose Lily to a flower! The last one made James Potter feel faint, oh no, he thought desperately, he was going to be sick! The wedding music began to play, why muggles played this at weddings he would never know. His beautiful Lily flower walked down the aisle in her beautiful dress, and all his worries dissolved. Of course, Lily always looked beautiful but today she looked like a god, a fallen angel... he could go on all day. She smiled reassuringly at him. Here it goes.

Lily Evans smiled at her reflection, who would have thought this day had come? Certainly not her. She didn't understand why she was marrying that twit, but as people say true love conquers all. She took a deep breath, who could believe this? As she walked into the aisle with her arm around her father she couldn't help but smile, Lily Potter, it fit didn't it? The dreadful wedding music started to play, why had she chosen this again? Here it goes.

The guest, both muggles and wizards were silent as Lily Evans started walking down the aisle. Everyone marveled about her beauty and thought to themselves what a lovely couple James and Lily Potter made.

As Lily reached the stage James grabbed her hand and mouthed "You look beautiful." They stared at each other as they said their vows, and both thought they were the luckiest people on the planet. They both shared identical grins as they exchanged their rings.

"Do you James Potter take-"

"I do." James interrupted

"Do you Lily Evans-"

"I do."

"You may now kiss the bride." The minister said but he didn't have to because James and Lily Potter were already kissing each other as if their lives depended on it. The kiss was sweet, gentle, and passionate, and James knew that this would be one of the happiest days in his life.

"Oi! Save it for the honey moon, love birds!" Sirius screamed from the audience

After the service everyone apparated to the reception. That is why everyone came so they could get free firewiskey and food.

"Padfoot, you're suppose to make a speech right now!" Remus hissed at him

Sirius grinned and chocked down the firewiskey in his glass before marching up confidently to the stage.

"Hello wizarding world and muggles!" Sirius shouted causing odd looks to be shot at him

"Oh my god." Lily muttered burying her face in her husband's shirt

"As you all know, I am the best man, so therefore I have to give a speech. Ahem! Silence! My best friend and brother in every way but blood is getting married today! Trust me I tried to talk him out of it. And his lovely wife, Lily Evans is looking beautiful today I just must say that. I never thought that Prongs would be the first marauder to marry, I always thought it'd be Moony who got married first, but I guess being here proves us wrong. I remember first year when Prongs first saw Mrs. Potter over hear, he claimed he was in love, I smacked him for that."

Laughter was heard around the room at this.

"Of all the people that Prongs could have married, I never thought it would be Lily. Although it was love at first sight for Prongs, it was hate at first sight for Lily. And every night Prongs heart broke because of this and a part of me hates Lily for doing this to him."

At this Lily looked at James sadly before placing a kiss on his lips.

"Then came seventh year, Lily and Prongs were made head girl and boy, I still can't believe it to this day. Lily eventually fell for Prongs here. I still remember the day they told me they were getting married, trust me it's burned into my mind forever-"

Remus Lupin smiled at Sirius' speech, it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be… it was actually kind of sweet.

"I woke up in the middle of the night and there I find Prongs and Lily having sex on my motorcycle."

"Sirius Black." Remus Lupin screamed

"I'm sorry my dear Moony it had to be done, and when I tried to kick them out they told me I would be the best man, of course I wasn't aware of that until after I cleaned Barbara. My point is that although Lily and Prongs have had there ups and downs, they have been together think and thin and they always will be. So thank you all of you for being here and thank you Prongs and lily for scarring me for life. May you have a long and happy life together!" Sirius finished and was dragged off the stage by Remus

"I love you Lily Potter." James said looking her in the eyes

"I love you too." Lily whispered before kissing James


End file.
